Home Style Fries

Here’s a tasty party treat that only took me all day to create and half an hour to consume. It’s not too ambitious; feel free to laugh, though, when you discover how a single mistake can defeat the point of a recipe.

On Peeling:

I made a disaster of the peeling process. Equipped with my shiny new vegetable peeler, it took me a moment to familiarize myself with the pointy end. 3 ½ pounds of potatoes is quite a bit, so I hunkered down at the kitchen table, turned on a dystopian nightmare audiobook, and began cheerfully peeling my potatoes down to almost nothing.

Great! Less to dice. (Don’t judge me! There were all these weird bumps and discolored spots that I didn’t know were okay to kind of ignore.)

On Dicing:

I decided that I would take the instructions literally here. I play games. Lots of games. Board games, video games, role-playing games, head games, love games; you name it. So naturally I have dice lying around of all sizes, including ½-inch and 1-inch dice. I used these as guides for my knife when cutting up potatoes and onions.

On food color:

You’ll often get these instructions that say to pursue “x” task until “y” color is observed.  Such a pain…but try these tricks:

·       Scour the net or phone a friend to get an idea of the timing of activity. Browning burger takes 7 minutes, for example.  But I only recommend this option as a last resort. It leaved very little room for experimentation and artistry when you micromanage the cooking times.
·       For low vision folks, whip out your portable magnifiers and put on your face guards. Get right up into that food’s greasy face and put the smack down on that color-ID.
·       I have a handy device that speaks aloud the color of my clothes. In this way, I minimize the chance of getting incarcerated by the fashion police. If you have one of these, place some clear seran wrap over the censor and use it on your dish. Make sure and keep yourself away from splatter of hot juices and stove burners. Wear your hazmat suits if need be!
·       Often the sound, taste and texture of the food is sufficient to tell when the thing is ready. If your feeling adventurous and aren’t afraid of food poisoning, lift up a sample to your lips with a spoon, blow on it, and pop it in your mouth. Spit like a camel if its grody.

Your caramelized onions should be easy enough to feel with a spatula for firmness.

On with the show:

Brief science lesson for you here, courtesy of an old issue of Cooks Illustrated, from which this recipe is shamelessly stolen. Pectin is this stuff that holds tater cells together. Alkaline substances rip through pectin like a blind man rips into poor helpless potato peels.  As it happens, baking soda creates just such a nice alkaline substance when in water, raising the Ph. to about 8.1 in the case of our parboiled taters. Even the eensey-weensey bit of baking soda that is added here is enough to dismantle potato cells because a chain reaction is started when the 10 cups of water are introduced to the base powder. What this means is that the outer edges of the taters get all mushy and soft, while the inside stays firm and raw. When roasted, the outside gets nice and crispy, and the inside is soft and yummy.

So it would behoove you to keep this firmly in mind whilst meticulously following instructions.  Avoid making Mistake No. 1,240: forgot the damn baking soda. I, naturally, fell victim to this, and my dish turned out tasty, but mushy all around.

Stuff You’ll Need:

·       Rimmed baking sheet
·       Sharp metal spatula
·       Rubber spatula
·       Dutch oven (Helga, or other named)
·       Cutting board
·       Slicing knife
·       Vegetable peeler
·       Large mixing bowl
·       2 small cereal bowls (for onions and chives)
·       Dry and wet measuring cups
·       Measuring spoons
·       Long-Armed Oven Mitts of Protection

Stuff You Put In It:

·       3 ½ pounds russet potatoes, peeled and cut into ¾ inch dice
·       ½ teaspoon baking soda
·       3 tablespoons unsalted butter, but into 12 pieces
·       Kosher salt and  pepper
·       Pinch cayenne pepper
·       3 tablespoons vegetable oil
·       2 onions, cut into 1/2  inch dice
·       3 tablespoons minced chives

  

1.     Adjust oven rack to lowest position. Place rimmed baking sheet on a rack and pre-heat oven to 450 degrees.
2.     Bring 10 cups water to boil in Dutch oven over high heat.
3.     Add potatoes and baking soda.
4.     Return to a boil and cook for 1 minute.
5.     Drain potatoes and return to Dutch oven. Place over low heat.
6.     Cook, shaking pot occasionally, until any surface moisture has evaporated, about 2 minutes.
7.     Remove from heat and add butter, 1 ½ teaspoons salt, and cayenne; mix with rubber spatula until potatoes are coated with thick, starchy paste, about 30 seconds.
8.     Remove baking sheet from oven and drizzle with 2 tablespoons oil.
9.     Transfer potatoes onto baking sheet and spread into even layer.
10.  Roast for 15 minutes.
11.  While potatoes roast, combine onions, 1 remaining tablespoon oil, and ½ teaspoon salt in bowl.
12.  Remove baking sheet from oven.
13.  Using thin sharp metal spatula, scrape and turn potatoes.
14.  Clear about 8 by 5-inch space in center of baking sheet and add onion mixture. Roast for another 15 minutes.
15.  Scrape and turn again, mixing onions into potatoes. Continue to roast until potatoes are well browned and onions are softened and beginning to brown, 5 to 10 minutes.
16.  Stir in chives, season with salt and pepper to taste. Serve now!

It figures. Even when I'm NOT playing games, my luck persists.